I've just finished reading an unsettling but fascinating book from Oliver James, named after the Philip Larkin poem.
I don't know much about psychology, but his basic ideas seem well argued and plausible, but also very challenging. The most important influence on the way we develop is the parenting that we get from ages 0 to 6. Everything from our personalities, to our abilities, to our sexual orientation, to whether we get colic or suffer from schizophrenia: they're almost all nurture not nature.
One insight that I found particularly interesting: each child within a family has different parents, because parents relate to each child very differently. Which is why children within the same family can vary so much.
He also lays out how the childhoods of some real monsters can explain who they became. Mother Teresa was right: the most important thing most of us can do for world peace is to go home and love our children.
Whether you end up in agreement or not, new parents should read this book. I wish I had.
